


(Better Than Coffee) Coffee In The Mess Hall

by anxiousgeek



Series: Five Evenings In The Messhall [3]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:09:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24445606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxiousgeek/pseuds/anxiousgeek
Summary: Janeway's POV
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Series: Five Evenings In The Messhall [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1758220
Comments: 5
Kudos: 26





	(Better Than Coffee) Coffee In The Mess Hall

She knows she could have Neelix bring the coffee the quarters, or that she could get the replicator to serve her coffee with a little less caffeine but there's something comfortingabout going to the mess hall in the evening. It makes her feel a little seen, even if she sits alone most of the time. She's seen, acknowledged, alive. 

The coffee isn't great but it saves on the replicator rations and gives her a little sense of peace.

It's a new ritual. one she started after-their-return from New Earth. She's used the time to think about other things. other people. 

She had hoped that once they'd settled back into their old lives [new lives, old new lives?] that Chakotay would come and talk to her, press the issue of New Earth, of them but he hadn't and then Seska returned and they were busy surviving, again, and they did talk.

The conversation had been short and frustrating. for them both she was sure. What else could she do though, she needed everything to be on the up and up. How could she start a relationship with him if he didn't initiate it? he went to the same lectures she did, covered the same regulations. Just telling her that his angry warrior story still stood, that he still meant it, didn’t change anything.

She was his Captain again, there were different rules on the ship. 

There had been no rules on New Earth, and she misses that misses the freedom. It was so simple and not actually all that complicated on the ship there were just a few more steps in the process. The end result should be the same.

There is, of course, the possibility that while his story suggests devotion, love, he's not actually interested in her. In a relationship with her. She's not sure and this is what she mulls over every evening over a cup of Neelix's better than coffee coffee substitute. 

Sometimes she stays for hours before, heading back to her quarters. Sometimes it hurts too much, too soon, and she's downing the hot liquid just to escape from her own thoughts.

* * *

The next night she arrives in the mess hall at her usual time, grabs some coffee and stops short when she sees Mike Ayala in her usual seat. Not that she owns it J though technically it's both her ship and her private dining room ( once upon a time). 

“Captain,” he says standing.

“Lieutenant.”

She almost smiles as she watches him consider his options.

“Everything okay Captain?” he asks and she had not expected that. A few of the senior officers risk asking that, Chakotay does daily. She's annoyed for a moment but It's welcome- both the question and the obvious concern. The slight fear is endearing too. 

“Everything’s...fine,” she says, because it is, she supposes but the problem is that it could be better Not that Mike would even understand if she could tell him that. “Thank you for asking.”

He smiles, gathering up his mug.

“Have a good evening Captain,” he says, "Table’s all yours.”

She laughs at that and settles into her usual seat. She feels better for having just been asked, and hopefully, it means something that he asked. Hopefully that she's not just the Captain to these people. That. She's not just the Captain to Chakotay. 

Even if- and it hurts to think it- even if he doesn't actually love her, he's her friend at least. 

She misses her friends, she never had many, always too busy but she always had a few, always had... Mark. After Cheb, after Justin, there was always Mark. It's why she's held onto to him for so long and held Chakotay back for so long. It's not much of a reason, She knows, holding onto a man she's known all her like but the stability of him has always been welcomed and needed to bolster her at her worst moments. She doesn't have any inner peace, and perhaps that is what puts Chakotay off. The rough edges and endless turmoil bubbling under the surface.

She's still considering it long after she finishes her coffee.

* * *

When she arrives the next evening, Neelix is already pouring her some coffee and she thanks him, letting him witter on for a bit because She likes the distraction. She's been having Odd dreams, dreams of Paris, and deserts, the Eiffel tower atop of Voyager. 

Normally she would've talked about it. On Voyager' she'd have gone Straight Chakotay, discussing it over coffee in her ready room or in whispers over the central console.

There is hesitation now, however, on both their parts and she can't figure out how to get back to the friends bit. 

It will come, she's sure of it, but perhaps friends should remain so after all. She hates to admit it, even to herself, because she knows they'd be amazing together. 

She smiles to herself. then schools her features remembering where she is. She looks around to see if anyone notices what she assumes was a dreamy look on her face. No one is paying any attention to her, everyone engrossed in their own conversations. Ayala and Tabor seem particularly engrossed in a serious conversation of some sort. They're hunched over, heads close together. Hopefully, nothing is wrong.

She makes a note to make sure both men are okay in the morning before finishing her coffee and heading back to her quarters.

* * *

She's running all little behind this evening, she had left the bridge late but it wasn't like she was meeting anyone. She almost jumps out of her Shin when she opens her door to leave and finds Chakotay standing outside her quarters. She hates to admit but she panics.

“Cha-Commander,” she manages to get out. “Can I help you?”

He doesn't answer, just stares at her dumbfounded and she doesn't know What's wrong but she's not really got the where with all to deal with him so she tries to push past him and he finally speaks.

“We need to talk,” he says, and she frowns but lets him inside anyway. Once in, she gestures to the sofa but they both remain standing. She doesn't want to sit. Standing is safer. He flounders for a second, and she tries to give him an encouraging smile. They are friends, it's just a little off between them right now. 

You can’t ask me out,” he says, flatly, “can you? You can’t instigate anything, start anything.”

She’s struck dumb, hands frozen in front of her, she hadn't been expecting this tonight. Not like this either. Finally, she remembers he asked a question and shakes her head. She wonders what's changed between their short conversation almost in passing and now. What had sparked this but she couldn't quite find the words to ask him any questions.

“And I haven’t been clear enough in my intentions have I?" He continues anyway. "I need to be explicit.”

Kathryn nods this time but still can't say anything. plus she wants to see where he goes with this.

Apparently, his plan is not to waste any more time as sweeps her into his arms and kisses her. She gasps, she can't help it, and she tingles as she's pressed against him. He keeps the kiss relatively chaste though and pulls back too soon in her opinion. She keeps her eyes close to savor the moment for as long as possible.

“Explicit enough?” he asks and she opens her eyes and smirks.

“Much more, yes,” she sounds breathless but she doesn't care right now.

“It really was just the regulations?”

He doubts her but that's okay, she understands. She knows in time he'll understand, be convinced of her reasons and her feelings. she can't wait to tell him. Can't wait to tell him everything but now isn't the time, she can tell and there's no rush. They have forever. She feels a little guilty though for not being able to explain to him. Though, she didn't realise that he didn't know what to regulations said.

“Yes.”

She doesn't mean to say it so quietly but he smiles at her. There is much more for them both to say but he kisses her instead and She's grateful for it because he's a very good kisser. He kisses her a little deeper this time, and she learns to feel of his lips, his body against hers, the sigh he makes when she tastes him.

He smirks and she pulls away.

“What?” she asks, grinning. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” he says, “I’m an idiot, that’s all.” 

“I wouldn’t say that,” she tells him, in what she knows her command voice but cupping his cheek at the same time. “And I wouldn’t let anyone else say that either.”

She could tell him. Tell him she loves him and he Would accept it, easily, but it feels too soon, too much even though he obviously feels the same. And has done so this whole time.

“Now what?” he asks finally and she smiles again, is aware She hasn't stopped smiling since he kissed her.

“Let’s have a cup of tea,” she tells him, pulling him over to the sofa.

* * *

She's running a little late and cursing her height as she rushes through the corridors. She wants to run, feels a little giddy but she's the Captain and decorum needs to be maintained. In public at least.

Yesterday they had sat on her sofa and drank tea until she dozed off in his arms. She'd been surprised he hadn't pushed for more. Not just physically but emotionally too. They hadn't talked, hadn't worked anything out, everything was left unsaid and Chakotay was always trying to get her to talk.

Instead, he'd woken her and steered her into her bedroom. He'd kissed her again of course before saying goodnight. They had agreed to meet after dinner; they both had plans and she desperately wanted to spend time with Sam and the baby.

She wasn't sure what to expect though. They wouldn't be able to say all that needed airing in the mess hall. Is it a date? Are they simply spending time together? Is this his way

of making sure their relationship is public?

Has he changed his mind?

The negative thoughts do little to improve her already clipped pace and by the time she reaches the mess hall she's nervous.

Stepping through the doors she stops short when she sees him in her usual seat. He smiles and she shrugs slightly, unable and unwilling to tell him what she's thinking from across the mess hall. turning to the replicator she orders two mugs of tea and takes the seat next to him. She sits close to him, their hips and thighs pressed together, wanting to feel him because it was both comforting and arousing.

“My usual blend,” he says.

“My usual seat,” she replies and he chuckles.

“Mine too,” he hesitates. “We didn’t talk last night,” he says.

“Do we need to?” she asks, passing him his mug. Their fingers brush and she smiles, taking his hand in hers and threads their fingers together. She wants to kiss him but hesitates, she may be happy to be public but she wants to be sure he is too. He squeezes her hand and smiles.

“I guess not.” 

**Author's Note:**

> so one more right? post messhall?


End file.
